The Many Black Outs Of Uchiha Sasuke
by Rain-in-Midnight
Summary: Sasuke's P.O.V. OOC "So...you committed treason." "Yes...yes I did." "....you should be sentenced to death." "Is that so?" "Mhmmm." "Well that kind of sucks." Rated T for slight swearing and a few slightly sexual references...hope you enjoy!


Disclaimer: I don't own this. Except for the unamazing plot line.

Oh, and a little warning? Contains some raunchy language, a pointless plot, I think maybe two slightly sexual references, and a whole lot of crap. Thank you. I already know this, so please, no need to flame.

P.S. Sasuke is OOC, so deal with it. I'm warning you ahead of time.

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**Sasuke P.O.V.**

The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and it was pleasant all over the quaint town of Konoha. Except I wasn't in Konoha. I was limping there somewhere north of Konoha, with a broken leg, hurt ego, and my own personal rain cloud following me. Great.

Just as I thought things couldn't possibly get worse, I heard a soft voice calling from my left.

"TEME! IS THAT YOU?? YOU GET YOUR SORRY ASS OVER HERE BEFORE I HAND IT TO YOU!!"

Huh…well isn't that welcoming. Now I really want to turn around and answer. I sort of had an inner battle before deciding I'd rather talk to Naruto then get Rasengan'ed in my ass. So, I figured I could at least be mature about this as I turned to talk to him.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT WITH ME, YOU STUPID DOBE?!"

Ok….so I'm not very patient anymore, after the whole "Orochimaru" thing. So what? Everyone has their flaws. Mine just isn't AS noticeable? Oh well.

"Uhhh…I just wanted to talk," Naruto answered intelligently. Well isn't that swell. I'm basically drowning in a pool of blood, and Naruto just wants to talk? I hope he brought his tea cups because I forgot mine at Orochimaru's bachelor pad. Joy.

"Well. That's great. How've you been these past couple of years? I mean, last time I saw you, I was trying to kill you. Same ol'?" I asked.

He stared at me for a second, then shook his head and replied, "Oh I'm pretty good. Going for the Hokage position still, but you probably already guessed that. Oh, and Akatsuki wants to suck the fox demon out of me which could potentially kill me. But, it's whatever. Like you said, same ol'".

We stood there in silence, him just staring at me, and me…well I'm not gonna lie, I was kinda wobbling around due to my broken leg.

Then we both heard a soft cough, and there she was, looking like an angel that had tripped on a cloud and fallen to Earth to be my personal savior. Oh Haruno Sakura! Well actually, if I squinted, she kind of looked like shit. She had dirt and dried blood in her hair and on herself, and she was bruised and just pretty gross. But still hot. Mmmm…what was I saying?

"Hey," she said. There was silence, and then I said, "hey."

Then we stood there. And stared. And then Naruto broke the ice. "Did you know there are twenty-four different flavors of ramen out there?"

"Wow," I replied. "That's twelve more than what they have at Ichiraku."

"I know!!" Naruto practically yelled at me. Then I realized we were standing about twenty feet from each other. Weird, right?

"So….is this the part where you try to kill us now?" Naruto asked. I looked at him, then said, "Actually, I think I'm gonna come home now. I'm tired of hanging out with that group."

Sakura and Naruto looked at each other, looked at me, then shrugged. "Alright," Sakura said. "But I have something I have to give you first."

She started walking pretty seductively towards me, and I'll admit it, I got kind of excited. I mean, jeez. I'm a teenage boy. Okay well nineteen. But still a teen! And then she gave me the best "welcome home" present I could've gotten. She charged her fist with chakra and proceeded to punch me in the face. And then I blacked out. How sweet.

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Two hours later, I woke up. My head was pounding, Tsunade was yelling at Naruto, and there was a smaller hand holding on to mine. I looked over with soft eyes at Sakura, until I realized it was a male nurse………….there was silence, and then I screamed. Like a little girl. Sorry, but I had bad memories. So sue me!!

"What in devil's name is happening in there??" I heard Tsunade yell. The dude woke up, looked at me, winked, and then let go of my hand and walked out.

And then Tsunade and Naruto walked in, staring at my awkward stance. I was sitting half-way up in my bed, a look of complete horror on my face, and my hand still outstretched.

There was a poof, and Kakashi appeared, holding a book that was still familiar even after all these years of being away. Okay okay, I had like all of series five at home under my bed. Don't judge me.

"Well well well, if it isn't my darling student, Uchiha Sasuke," he said.

"Yup. That's me," I replied. Tsunade coughed awkwardly from the background, breaking up our touching reunion. "Hate to interrupt," she started, "but I just wanted to let you know we have some talking to do."

"Yeah yeah, I know. Let's get this over with," I said. She shooed Kakashi and Naruto out of the room, and sat down at the edge of my bed.

"So….you committed treason."

"Yes…yes I did."

"…..you should be sentenced to death."

"Is that so?"

"Mhmmm."

"Well that kind of sucks."

Tsunade rolled her eyes and said, "I can give you a chance for redemption though, Uchiha. You're the last of your clan, so I don't mind if you stay in the village and become one of our ninja again. It would be the opportunity of a lifetime to carry out the Uchiha clan here."

I stared blankly at her, and then nodded for her to continue, "Buuut?"

"BUT," she said, "you have to tell us all the information about Orochimaru and the Akatsuki as you can. And you've been dropped to genin level. You're welcome to take the proper exams for a higher rank though, if you wish? I already consulted the Council…"

I nodded my head, thinking to myself. This was perfect. I could restart my life. And maybe hook up with some random chick and make some babies. I don't know, we'll see where that takes us…

"Well," she continued, "I'll leave you alone now. I'll send Naruto in to get you in a couple of minutes. You'll be staying with him unless you want to stay in the Uchiha compound?"

I roughly shook my head. "No, Naruto's is fine!! I'll just stay until I can afford an apartment of my own."

"Alright," Tsunade said. "Just come get me if you need any help or have questions."

"Well, I do have one question..."

"What's that?"

"Do I not get any punishment for what I've done? Not that I want any persay…"

"Well, usually one would, but the number Sakura did to your face will be suffice," she said, before winking at me and leaving.

I looked in the mirror, only to realize that half of my face was black, blue, swollen, and just plain ugly. Wow. And I didn't think it was possible. I waited patiently for about five seconds before getting up and walking out the door to find Naruto.

There were a couple of things I didn't count on happening however. One was for Naruto to open the door, therefore smacking me in the face. Another was for me to fall ONTO my broken face, and Naruto loudly pointing out that I was wearing an assless hospital gown. How lovely. I was then trampled to near death by a group of anxious nurses, including the male nurse from earlier. Insert shudder.

"WOAH!" a ruffled Naruto said to me. "We better get out of here! You can follow me to my place. I even made sure to clean it for you!"

Great. This means he stuffed the empty ramen bowls under his bed and put the spoiled milk back in the fridge. I followed him nonetheless, and we arrived shortly after to his smallish and all-around crappy looking apartment. I was right about the ramen bowls. I could see a few popping up from under what Naruto proudly had introduced as the "guest futon". Oh boy.

"Well, Naruto. Now that I'm all….settled in….(I'd thrown my small bag onto the futon, earning a family of cockroaches to pop out from under the cushions and glare at me) can we get some food? All I had was hospital gelatin..." I said. He nodded happily, and I already knew where this was headed.

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Ichiraku. Konoha's most popular ramen bar. Correction: Konoha's ONLY ramen bar. It smelled of ramen, fire, and old people. When we entered, the entire place became deathly silent as everyone glared daggers at me. And a couple of the ninjas actually threw daggers at me. Point being, of course Naruto would bring me to the hot-spot for many members of the Konoha 12.

I looked around and took in everybody's response to my entrance:

Naruto: Standing around, looking like an idiot, trying to look inconspicuous while picking his nose.

Ino: Staring me down, torn between admiration and hatred. Interesting look, I'll tell you that…I felt like she wanted to rip my clothes off in lust, all the while stabbing me over and over again.

Hinata: She was just watching Naruto pick his nose. How cute.

Shino: Talking shit/gossiping to the (insert double take here) family of cockroaches from under my futon cushions? Small world...

TenTen: Sharpening her kunai while staring off into space. Hmmm, maybe I won't have to worry about her then? Good.

Neji: Glaring and, if I can read lips well enough to be correct, mumbling about killing me to fulfill his destiny. Or something.

Sakura: ……..she was eating her ramen.

I proceeded to smoothly walk up to the bar and sit next to her. No response. I coughed loudly. Still no response. I dunked my head into a random bowl of ramen and pretended to drown. Ino and the male nurse tried to give me CPR. Damn. I shook my head, ordered my ramen, and sat next to her in the stony silence she was holding.

Naruto came up behind us, and Sakura turned around. "Naruto! How nice to see you," she said, all the while grinning at him.

He grinned back happily, and gave her a quick hug before sitting on her other side. "How's it going, Sakura? Still working hard in the hospital?"

"Of course!" she laughed. "But some asshole had major face injuries I had to cure the other day. It sucked…" Then, she pointedly stared at me from the corner of her eye. I sunk down in my seat and pretended to be really intent with my chopsticks.

Naruto laughed nervously, made some weird excuse about getting ramen to-go, and left. Left us. Me and Sakura. All alone.

I awkwardly cleared my throat and turned towards her. "So how've you been?"

She stuck her chopsticks up my nose and left. She's such a charmer. I sat there, with chopsticks up my nose, and sulked. Like a BABY. And then I thought, I'm Uchiha Sasuke! I'll make her want me more than ever!

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It was my first day training with Team Kakashi again, and let me tell you, it was weird. First off, I'd gotten sick because of the expired milk, and then my hair was looking more chicken's-assish than usual. Damn Itachi and his perfect hair. I had to get our weird cousin's hair. We never talk about him though….damn that Steve….

I walked up with Naruto to the bridge, to see that Sakura and Kakashi were already there.

"It's about time!" Kakashi said. I stared at him. Naruto stared at him. Kakashi stared at his porn. Sakura stared at Genma, who was sashaying be. Wait, what the fuck? Genma?

I shook my head and replied, "Dobe here wanted to go get ramen before training." As if that explained everything. Strangely enough, it apparently did. Kakashi nodded as if satisfied by that excuse, and started leading us towards the training grounds.

"Alright, kiddies," he said. "We're gonna make this quick because I have a mission to go on."

"Isn't everything with him quick?" I mumbled to Naruto. We both snickered, and then shrunk under his glare.

"Anyway! We're just going to do one-on-one sparring today. Naruto, you're with me. Sasuke, you're with Sakura," he explained.

I looked up to the heavens in awe, thanking the gods that I got to spar with her. Then, I looked back down in time to see a fist coming at me. It hit me in the stomach. I think I shit blood. Actually, I think my ancestors shit blood. Scratch that. Me and my entire clan simultaneously shit blood as I went shooting across the training field and into a boulder. Awesome.

I lifted my head up and saw Sakura standing there, glaring at me. I decided then and there, that I was going to make her mine, goddamnit! So I forced myself to get up, and chased after her.

She ran towards me also though, and then punched the ground. I was expecting her to cry out in pain. What I WASN'T expecting was for there to be a FREAK earthquake and for the ground to just suddenly split and shoot up at me. I, once again, went flying across the field.

At that time, I decided that maybe if I played dead she would leave me alone. I might have whimpered when I heard footsteps. I won't admit to anything. I cracked open an eye to see Sakura standing over me with a triumphant glare. It was amazing how she could pull that off.

So, I did what any male would do in my position. I chidori'ed her as a surprise attack. I took a big chunk out of her side, and she flipped backwards to get out of the way, before processing the damage and instantly healing it. Damn. And I'd begun to almost feel bad.

She glared at me before coming at me again. I realized it was now or never. If I wanted to make a move, now was the time. So I flopped down onto my stomach, and heard her whiz by with her fists glowing with chakra.

I sat up and looked at her. She was glaring at me again. Kind of hot…

"What the hell kind of move was that!!" she shouted.

"Uhh, the self-preservation kind?" I smartly replied. She slapped me. Why didn't I see that one coming?

"Please, before you kick my ass anymore, will you just answer one question?" I asked. She glared a little bit longer, and then hesitantly nodded her head.

"So….you wanna get married?" I grinned cheekily and winked at her.

She punched me in the face and I blacked out. Again. I vaguely remember hearing a small, amused "yes" from somewhere in the distance.

Success.

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Epilogue

I'll be a man and admit it. I was drunk off my ass at my own wedding reception. I'd had one too many wine coolers. Is it really a sin to be a lightweight? I don't think so!

So there I was, making a fool out of myself in front of the whole audience. Excellent.

"And I'd like to thank Itachi for making this all come true, you're a bastard!" I shouted out. Everybody just stared at me. "And I'd also like to thank the Haruno family, especially Sakura's mom, for giving such a good rack!"

And then I don't remember anything. I might have blacked out. I might have been punched into unconsciousness by the entire Haruno clan. I hope it was the former. Or else those family reunions are gonna be pretty awkward…

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_Soy fin._

_**Read. Review. Love. Hopefully…**_


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